He is both the Poison and the Antidote – The Two Faces of Domestic Violence

So here’s the thing when you fall in love with someone and they are so lovely then suddenly you see a really bad side to them and, well, it’s kind of totally shocking. And you think Whooooah, that’s a one off blip and you try to block it out, forget, move on. Until it happens again. Worrying. Except by that time you’ve already fallen for them, formed a strong emotional attachment to them and are used to seeing them practically every night and having contact with them every day. They are part of your life. Who is this nasty person in place of your loving boyfriend?

And when they are bad they are horrid! But then you miss them. And then they come back all amazing and smiling and loving and glowing again. They are both the poison and the antidote. They cause the pain but at the same time they are the only one who can take the pain away. By being their nice self again. So you forget Mr Evil Superfreak, Incredible Hulk. Cause hey Superman is back! Until the next time he gets angry!

And when they come back they can be Mr Superhero whisking you off, taking you out or buying you flowers. They’re back with a bounce! The longer you’ve not been in touch the bigger the bounce. Aw the good guy is back. It’s your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. And before you know it you are caught in his web again.

When they are great they are brilliant when they are bad they are deadly. There is no level playing field. So it’s just not sustainable. They’ve two faces. Two sides. Two very extreme sides. But the longer you know them the more you see the bad side unfortunately.

So you want them to be the hero type. The one that shields you from the bad stuff. Not the villian that lays the bad stuff upon you. But every now and then you see their wonderful side and it’s great. It’s a high.

But then they crash and burn. Hero takes a Fall. It’s a rollercoaster. It’s adrenaline filled, it’s scary, sometime’s it’s exciting but mostly it’s anxiety ridden and draining. It goes on and on but it never really goes anywhere, except round in circles. A cycle of abuse. They’re good and they’re bad. But at an extreme level. It’s an addiction. And hard as it is, you have to starve an addiction. No Contact.


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